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The Bully Test
By David A. Levine
A principal at a New York City Middle School once told me "our kids
are real good at taking tests but not so good at respecting each
other." In my years as an educator, during this "No Child Left
Untested" period, I've noticed increasingly low levels of pro-social
skills and an increase in anti-social behaviors such as bullying. We might
attribute this to the effects of violent video games and movies, and
generally to a change in family values, but another view is to assess the
truth in the adage "what gets measured gets done," and what gets
done is that schools are teaching students how to take tests. I don't know
the last time you took a test but I know I haven’t taken one since my days
in graduate school and yet that is what has come to symbolize raising the
standards in education.
I've always been a
believer that behavior is a form of communication. If we were to analyze
the bullying that took place recently in South Hadley, Massachusetts, where
Phoebe Prince, a 15 year old who was being bullied by two separate groups,
took her own life, we would see someone who was saying "When will they
stop treating me this way? I just want to be left alone. I need to talk to
someone." We could also see the six students who are being charged in
this case as saying "life is boring. We need some excitement around
here. We don't like her and she needs to stay away from our group."
I've heard people say
that bullying is a rite of passage. Let me assure you, it is not. Just ask
anyone who was impacted by the horrific events of Columbine High School in
1999, where two bullying victims shot and killed twelve students and one
teacher before killing themselves. It is not a rite of passage to be afraid
to go to school, to hide in the bathroom between periods or to cut classes
to avoid the inevitable taunting and harassment. No one deserves to be
treated cruelly and if it was happening to your son or daughter, you would
not explain it away as something all kids go through.
In the days since the
South Hadley revelations came to light, people are playing the inevitable
blame game. It's the fault of the bullies' parents or the superintendent of
schools and some of Phoebe's teachers, or poor Phoebe Prince herself.
Rather than blame, we must see this and other similar situations as a call
to dialogue about what is really going on in our schools. Bullying will not
stop once a new policy is created, a new curriculum is adopted or an
intervention program is implemented. The only way to alter the trajectory
of this immense social issue is by teaching the communication and empathy
skills necessary to make it in this world.
In February 2009, I was
driving over the George Washington Bridge into New York City on my way to
teach in the South Bronx at PS 114. I had the radio on, listening to a live
broadcast of the International Prayer Breakfast that is held in Washington,
D.C. every year. President Obama gave a speech in which he said the
following:
We know too
that whatever our differences, there is one law that binds all great
religions together. Jesus told us to "love thy neighbor as
thyself." The Torah commands, "That which is hateful to you, do
not do to your fellow." In Islam, there is a hadith that reads,
"None of you truly believes until he wishes for his brother what he
wishes for himself." And the same is true for Buddhists and Hindus;
for followers of Confucius and for humanists. It is, of course, the Golden
Rule - the call to love one another; to understand one another; to treat
with dignity and respect those with whom we share a brief moment on this
Earth.
As I arrived in school
that day, motivated by what I had just heard, I walked into my first class,
a group of 3rd grade students and we talked about the Golden Rule. We
focused upon ways we could put our conversation into action, to make it
more than just a bunch of words that sounded good. In the end, one boy who
had been quiet the entire lesson raised his hand and said, "I wish the
Golden Rule was a subject in school." Maybe we should take his wise
words and create a test we could prepare our students for. The test would
be how to live on this earth with dignity and respect for all.
Encouraging Empathy
By David A. Levine
What is empathy exactly? I have had many conversations about this topic
with my students, colleagues, and friends. Empathy is not a thing but
rather a skill: a heart skill. I call it a heart skill because it takes
time to relearn the act of empathy and unlearn the reaction of
defensiveness, hurtful humor, and belittlement. This relearning takes
self-reflection, honesty and time. I recently went into a coffee shop when
one of the three people who worked there spilled the coffee beans she was
about to grind on the floor. One of her co-workers said “nice going, only
kidding.” I’m only kidding is as common as hello, goodbye, good morning and
good night, like a reflex phrase when someone has just been made fun of or
put down. In this instance, the target of the joke said, “Yeah I messed up
again.” Self-degradation is often the result of a pattern of negative input
from someone else. Empathy on the other hand is the ability to experience
someone else’s story, to be non-judgemental and understanding: to reach out
in a truly caring way.
I once saw a poster by
West Coast artist Laurel Birch entitled The Art of Human Being. I
read it as: The art of Being Human and I do feel that it is an art
to be human. Being a person is one of our greatest challenges: just to be
yourself as you travel on this journey called life, and feel comfortable
with that. Practicing empathy is like reading someone else’s story: being
one with the characters and events and feeling the emotions of the main
character. It is living life with others with a certain mindfulness:
observing, listening, and understanding.
Music: An Emotional Language
By David A. Levine
Throughout my 26 years as a classroom teacher, workshop facilitator and
visiting educator in schools throughout the country, I have discovered the
lasting impact music can have on the learning experience of a child. Music
is a language all its own and when a song is tied to an emotional
experience that experience becomes memorable. When a person has a series of
meaningful learning experiences, the content of those experiences over time
becomes ingrained as a natural way of operating. Today as I continue to
work with children on the issues of teasing, harassment, bullying and other
low level forms of aggression, I always use songs which tap into the real
life challenges they are facing. Sometimes they write songs about their
lives and the expressions are fascinating.
I have always known on an intuitive level the power a song can have on
learning and memory, calling this truth the “they’re playing our song”
phenomenon. It is common for a person to hear a song from his or her past
and immediately enter into sentimental and emotional memories. Any strong
emotional experience especially for a young person becomes an imprinted moment,
meaning it lives forever somewhere in the psyche of that child. It is not
uncommon when I return to a school to have students come up to me
remembering the songs we did and the messages involved; wanting to hear the
songs again.
I sometimes ask a group of adults if anyone ever got lost when they were a
child. Someone will invariably share a story of when they were shopping
with their parents (or other significant adult) when they were around four
or five years old and got separated from whoever they were with. The person
sharing the memory can vividly describe the feelings they had, what they
were wearing, where they were, who helped them, what that person was
wearing and so on. Often as people describe this memory, physical
sensations of the memory return through the telling of the story. This
interaction demonstrates what is known as an emotionally coded event which
is everlasting; one which continues to have an effect on that person for
the rest of their lives whether they are conscious of it or not.
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